What’s your favorite flavor of sex? Are you more chocolate or vanilla? If you’re looking for something new to try in the bedroom, might we suggest angry sex? Angry sex, often known as hate fucking, is something that every bad girl should experience at least once in her lifetime.
But that makes no sense!”, you argue. It’s not something condoned by society.
Angry sex tends to be the kind of throw-down, need-you-right-now sex you read about in bodice-ripping romance novels or see in rom-coms. It can be fiery, exciting, and the ultimate tension release.
But as great as it can feel to give in to all of that emotion and pent-up frustration, angry sex isn’t always the best idea. If you’re in it for the wrong reasons like avoiding a difficult conversation you might want to hold off.
It may be hard to imagine being in the mood for sex when you’re raging mad or find something absolutely infuriating, but angry sex happens for a few reasons.
For individuals who have a hard time communicating difficult emotions, angry sex could become a way to express [themselves].
Angry sex could serve as an outlet to express aggression or be a way to reconnect and repair after a fight.
In some cases, angry sex is about avoidance. It may serve as an escape from painful feelings.
Angry sex isn’t always a result of your emotions. Biology may also play a role.
What Does Angry Sex Look Like?
Despite learning why and when angry sex occurs, you still may be wondering what happens during angry sex,it might involve:
• Interrupting an argument to be physically sexual
• Sexual activities that stray from your norm (expression of more animalistic desires)
• Spontaneity
• Feeling more relaxed and rational post-sex; relief of tension
• Transferred states of arousal (e.g., when you’re angry, your body is physically aroused with increased heart rate, blood pressure, flushing; these changes are also experienced during sexual arousal and can sometimes trigger it)
Is it the same thing as makeup sex?
It can be. Sex that happens after a fight could be seen as makeup sex. Angry sex could be a way of repairing the rupture and a way to connect after a fight.
But if you have no interest in making up or you aren’t involved with the other person angry sex can take on a different meaning. Sometimes, it’s the pent-up frustration with the person or situation that fuels the sex.
This can be entirely independent or void of a need to make things right.
Can You Have Angry Sex With Anyone?
Can angry sex be with anyone? Yes. Just as you could randomly have sex with a stranger when you’re not mad, you are free to do so when you’re upset.
But is it safe? No. Angry sex is riskier because the stakes are higher. You are physically and mentally inviting a stranger into your world. So, comfortability is the biggest concern because this isn’t just normal sex that you’re partaking in.
Does it have any benefits?
Absolutely. Hitting the sheets when you’re angry can diffuse the tension by giving you a way — an enjoyable one at that to step back from the situation.
Sex causes a surge of happy hormones in your brain. These hormones include oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin.
Oxytocin is also known as the “love hormone.” Dopamine is a key player in your brain’s reward pathway. Serotonin helps regulate your mood.
These hormones may be why you feel happy and relaxed after a good romp. In other words, angry sex may help you feel more connected and reestablish closeness after an issue has created some distance.
How should you go about it?
Talking may not be easy when you’ve got a hot head and hot, well, every other part of your body. But communication is important if you’re going to have angry sex.
CONSENT IS CRUCIAL
Sex, regardless of your reason for having it, must be consensual. This applies to everyone — from the person you just met to the friend you’ve hooked up with before to your significant other.
Angry sex is emotion driven and spontaneous. It may even be aggressive or rough. This can make it easy to blur or cross lines.
It’s important that all parties understand what this encounter does and doesn’t mean. For example, is this a one-time hookup, or are you expecting something more?
Also make sure that all parties are fully into it and have communicated their consent out loud. Checking in before you try something new or different is crucial. For instance, saying yes to a heated make out doesn’t mean yes to oral sex.
BEFORE YOU HAVE ANGRY SEX
• Make your intentions clear.
• Communicate your consent and ask for theirs. Assumptions don’t count.
• Practice safe sex. Condoms are the only contraceptive that protects against sexually transmitted infections.
Is there any reason not to do it ?
There are a few reasons why angry sex might not be the best idea. For starters, it shouldn’t be used in place of healthy communication. If you only use angry sex to resolve relationship problems in lieu of communicating with your significant other, then it’s best to identify alternative coping skills that bring closure and closeness.
I am also against engaging in angry sex if you struggle with resolving conflicts verbally. As fun as it may be, angry sex won’t remedy any ongoing emotional or interpersonal conflicts.
If you’re dealing with something heavy or simply in need of someone to talk to you may consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor. They can help you understand your feelings and move forward in a healthy and productive way.
The bottom line
Angry sex between two consenting adults can be a great form of release. It may even be some of the most exciting, toe-curling sex you’ve ever had.
Just make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into. It may help diffuse some tension and calm you enough to tackle a problem rationally, but it won’t make it disappear no matter how good it feels.