What If Your Bae Likes Partying And You Don’t, Is It Okay To Let Them Go Out Alone?

If you’ve ever been asked, “Do you and your partner go out a lot?” you might answer like one of the millions of couples who’d chuckle and say, “Yes, sure we do.  But not together”. But you don’t want to stay home all the time, so you trade-off on social events?

Of course, this isn’t a rallying cry for spouses to say, “See! This proves that I should be able to do what I want when I want.” Instead, as a couples mediator, I bring the peaceful negotiation method to the table, which is, ask first, enjoy second.  If you want to attend an event or make a social plan, talk to your mate before you commit.  Offer to trade-off and encourage your mate to take a guilt-free night out for him/herself while you stay home.

I think it’s perfectly healthy to go out with your friends for a night of drinks (or whatever) and fun. No one says that just because you are going out without your significant other that you are going to cheat, or do something that would upset them. I’m not sure if it is generational or if it is just the norm, but I think it’s really odd that girls who go out with their girlfriends get talked badly about. I mean really, I go out with a girlfriend for a few drinks at a bar, and the next week there is a rumor going around that I’m cheating on my boyfriend with my ex-boyfriend from like 6 years ago. If a guy goes out alone, then he must be trying to hook up with some other girl. Are we really that simple minded?

Some argue that it’s a respect thing, we’ll if I’m not doing anything to disrespect my relationship, why do we have to be joined at the hip? I am an adult and sometimes I need my space. I love my significant other, but just like when you spend too much time with your siblings, and you start to just get annoyed at them for chewing “too loud“, the same goes for your spouse. The sun does not set in their ass every waking moment of the day. As much as we love them so much and want to spend the rest of our lives with them does not mean we want to spend the rest of the day with them!

I guess it depends on the context. Is it a college style drunken party where you won’t know many people, and barely know the host? That’s inappropriate in my eyes. Those parties are specifically intended for hookups and meet ups.

Is your close friend or colleague throwing a house party/barbecue where you’ll know most of the people and generally be expected to behave yourself? That’s completely different.

The difference is the party intention.

Would you feel comfortable if she went to some ranger party with kegs and frat boys without you? What if her best friend is just having a little shindig, and she will know the company before hand?

I suppose most importantly, what does she think? If you’re asking this in the first place, there’s a little guilt involved, right?

You are allowed to have a life with or without a girlfriend /boyfriend. Being young is what life is about memories. At your age relationships come and go. It is healthy to do things with friends.

I’ll tell you what the best thing ever is, going out for a girls night, sexy texting your better half after the third glass of wine, finally getting home, having him take you to the bathroom, and curling up in bed knowing damn well he is going to play nurse the next day because you will be hung over as shit. It rocks. I don’t want to go home with anyone else but my spouse, because let’s be honest, I get annoyed with drunk me, and I finally found a man who puts up with that bitch, I’m keeping that crazy man!

Bottom line guys, is spending your life with someone is the most amazing thing you can do. Finding someone who you want to commit your entire self to is beautiful. But at the end of the day, you cannot argue that having a sense of independence is crucial to making a relationship work. You don’t want to always be waiting around for someone to get off work so you can have some interaction, make your own friends, and live a life that is full.