What if there is something I can do next time to tip the odds in my baby’s favour? Because right now, if someone with a medical qualification told me I had to spend my entire pregnancy hopping on one foot while only eating broccoli and whole meal bread, I’d do it if I thought it would raise my chances of giving birth to another healthy baby.
Catherine’s story
Miscarriage is like losing a loved one, which comes with a roller coaster of emotions ranging from sadness to despair. However, unlike other types of deaths, miscarriage can bring about a different type of anger.
Many find it difficult to talk about their loss because the impact of a miscarriage can be devastating. While every person will process loss differently, the range of emotions can include: grief, hopelessness. Sadness, guilt, anger, jealousy (of other parents), intense feelings of loneliness (especially if there are a lot of parents in your social circle)
Note that early pregnancy loss occurs in at least 10 percent of pregnancies. While knowing that many other parents experience miscarriage won’t erase your emotional pain, it may help you feel more comfortable sharing your story and help you manage the loss over the long term.
Different people deal with miscarriage differently. Some women can forget and pick up the pieces, but others blame themselves and question God, the devil, a few enemies and rural aunties with a ‘bad eye.’ Here is a list of Kenyan celebrities who have had miscarriages over the years and how they dealt with it:
Size 8 and DJ Mo.
Last December, Size 8 opened up about her miscarriage a week after speculations that she was pregnant.
“To be honest I’ve cried, I asked God so many questions. I was so angry. My faith in God has been greatly tested. Stories were in many blogs that I was pregnant but I never did really confirm it because it was a battle all the way. So I just wanted to go with the fight privately. But God decided the best lane for me and I lost the pregnancy juzi,” she posted on social media, adding that her family, friends and the church pals supported her recovery.
Size 8 advised all women who have gone through the same that God loves them and knows what’s best.
“To the women who are trusting God for a child, I have so much respect. I think you are stronger than 20 men and God will reward your faith in Him despite the challenges. I will continue to praise God in Jesus name for His faithfulness. Sitaacha kumsifu bwana.”
Unfortunately, the couple have had a second miscarriage just last week. May God see them through these trying times.
Nick Odhiambo and his girlfriend Lydia
Nick Odhiambo wrote on his social media pages: “The countdown to your birthday cut short…Sometimes life just throws you a curve ball!!!.. But it is what it is..lil’ J’lani R.I.P.. My son didn’t make it to see this beautiful world.”
Nana Owiti and King Kaka
Recently, Nana Owiti, the wife to musician King Kaka opened up about her first miscarriage in February 2014. King Kaka even sang about impending fatherhood in Twende, but the experience left Nana confused and angry.
“King had started calling me Mama Gweth long before we planned on having a baby as it was a unisex name. I told him there was no need of starting clinic mapema so we were good. First forward to the 1st of April 2014. I go to the washroom and get a blood stain,” she recalls, adding that it was at the hospital where the doctor did a scan, but the sonographer called another sonographer and she heard “Hakuna!” I asked ‘Hakuna nini?’ and the first sonographer said “hakuna heartbeat.”
Nana said she “died a little” and before leaving the hospital, they asked the medics whether there was anything they could do. The baby was seven weeks old.
Nana told The Nairobian that, at first she was in denial where “you feel robbed, you are angry at the world. It’s hard shaking off persistent sadness, pain, and bitterness but with my partner by my side throughout that journey of healing and accepting to be vulnerable and crying a lot, really did help me.”
Immediately after miscarriage, you’ll want to take care of yourself while also allowing yourself to grieve. Below are just some of the steps you may want to take:
Allow yourself to express your emotions:
You may feel angry about not getting the chance to meet your baby outside of the womb. You may feel angry at the world over other pregnancies that make it to term. It’s important that you express all of your feelings. It’s normal to feel this way and a natural part of the grieving process. Don’t feel ashamed to grieve.
Rely on friends and loved ones for help:
As you grieve your miscarriage, you may not be able to stick with your normal schedule. Enlist the help of friends and loved ones to help you with chores, pet care, or family care. You also need them as a sounding board as you express your emotions.
Find a support group:
Miscarriage isn’t uncommon, so there are many in-person and online support groups available for this type of loss. While your friends and family will always be there for you, it can also help to connect with others who have gone through the exact same loss.
Seek spiritual guidance:
If you’re religiously inclined, it may also help to speak with a spiritual leader or attend group worship events.
Talk with a therapist:
A grief counselor can help you navigate your pregnancy loss and help you recover more effectively. Depending on your needs, you might also go to couples counseling with your partner.
No matter how many people say, ‘it wasn’t really a baby yet’, you may feel in your heart that it was a baby the moment you conceived and no-one can take that away. Many women start imaging their baby’s future from the moment they knew they were pregnant. You may need some time to mourn your baby and all the hopes and dreams you had for them.
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